"Oh God, not another freaking game, wasn't pin the sperm on the egg bad enough?" Now they were going to play some dirty diaper game. He couldn't keep his disgust to himself any longer. He groaned when Sheila came out of the kitchen with the basket full of freshly microwaved diapers. The ladies cackled at him, his visible discomfort was clearly their chosen entertainment for the afternoon. "C'mon Ed, you might be good at this one" they heckled. Where the hell was Charlie anyway? Beth told him he would be there, he never would have agreed to tag along to this thing otherwise. In the last 90 minutes he had seen things that no man should ever see. The opening of the gifts unveiled items that he could go the rest of his life without knowing they ever existed. The breast pump was bad enough, but the pregnancy belly painting kit and the gift certificate for the naked pregnancy photo shoot was over the top. Beth explained to him on the way there that this was Kate's first baby so the ladies would go out of their way to outdo each other when it came to gifts. Beth at least had stuck with a more traditional diaper bag filled with newborn necessities. And the pink! The living room was plastered in it, pink streamers, pink table cloth, pink napkins, pink plates; even the damn cake and ice cream were pink. Every article of clothing this unborn child received was some hideous shade of pink. He secretly hoped that the ultrasound was wrong and it turned out to be a boy. He could only imagine the look on Charlie's face when his boy came home dressed in those pansy girl clothes.
"Ok, so each diaper has a different candy bar melted into it. We have to guess what each one is." Sheila now had the waded up diapers arranged on the coffee table. Each lady had been given small pieces of pink papers and a pink pencil to write down their answer. Sheila peeled the tape back on the first diaper, she pulled it open reveling a gooey brown mess of chocolate. The ladies hovered in around it taking a closer look. Ed stood with his back against a wall, arms folding in front of him. When the hens sat back down to write their guesses he took a look at the diaper. There was a chunky light brown mess in the middle of the pool of melted chocolate. As he leaned in closer the smell gave it away, this one was easy - Recess Peanut Butter cups. Sheila gathered up the first round of pink papers from the group. "Really, no one got this one? Any other guesses?" A few ladies shouted out random names of candy above each other, none of them were close. "Ridiculous" Ed muttered under his breath, then loud enough for all to hear "Its Recess Peanut Butter cups!" The entire group turned in unison to stare at Ed, Sheila bounded across the coffee table shoving slips of pink paper and a pencil at him. "We have a contender" she announced. Ed didn't get the chance to weasel his way out of playing; Sheila already had the second diaper open. He tipped forward peering over his competitors. This one had a pool of white goo in the middle of the dark chocolate. He scrawled the words "York Peppermint Patty" across the pink paper. Again Sheila gathered the slips of paper, with a puzzled look on her face she turned back to the group. "Well, Ed wins this one on a technicality - he was the only one that said it was a 'York' Peppermint Patty." A few of the ladies turned to look at Ed who just shrugged his shoulders. The game went on, Milky Way, Snickers, Mars Bar, 3 Musketeers and the super easy Baby Ruth. With each round the ladies became more subdued, Ed guessed right in every round, he could not be beat. Side conversations were occurring in between rounds, clearly the ladies were losing interest in the game.
At the end of the 8th round Sheila stood at the end of the coffee table to announced the winner. "By a landslide, Ed" she begrudgingly reported as she handed him a box wrapped in pink paper. Ed held the package in his hands looking to Beth for guidance. She gave him the nod that it was ok to open it. Ed ripped the paper off, reveling a pink box with a floral print. Popping open the box he reached in to lift out a coffee cup painted int he same flowery pattern as the brightly colored box. Ed held the trophy up for all to see, then placed it back in the box with a shrug of his shoulders.
The prompt for this story was a picture of a gruff looking man with a construction hard hat and a large wrench in his hand. The prompt was to write about him at a baby shower. Ed just jumped out at me and asked me to write about him. Since writing this piece for class I've let my mind wander and I wondered why in the world would Ed agree to accompany his wife to a baby shower. So I asked Ed who told me that Beth had miscarried in the last year and their marriage counselor had suggested that he be there to support Beth. Ed would do anything for Beth. Yes - my characters speak to me. I've heard writers talk about this and I'm still not sure if I need medication or if I am a writer. For now I will just put my characters stories on paper to get them out of my head. Either way I like Ed, he is gruff on the outside, but is just a big teddy bear on the inside. I wonder if he is going to bring that new coffee cup to work on Monday?
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